I have been keeping a journal throughout our adventure. It is hard to keep track otherwise, there is so much to process and so little time in between new experiences. I am learning a lot and feel, I should know so much more, just taking part in this. It makes me feel a bit vulnerable. I am also the only female on board, including the dog. Which is probably a good thing, but I miss having a good friend around, one who can back me up sometimes or just joke around. Like my good old German or Team Handball friends, who think alike, have the same kind of humor. I wonder, if I than would be in better spirits and enjoy this experience a different way and would just be a little more relaxed. Mats is also missing his friends and our home, the routine.
Maybe this is also the wrong time to be so thoughtful. We have done 2 overnight sails and the third night is ahead of us. Tensions are a bit higher, since everyone is lacking sleep, except maybe the kiddo and the dog.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to sound bitter. Well, maybe just a little northern German. 😉 There are plenty of things, I do enjoy. Like the dolphins swimming with us. The sunsets. Exploring new little towns. Beach time, warmer weather. Seeing Mats on his first Boogie Board rides. At the same time, I see him being very attached to me. Seeking comfort through all off the new and unknown. Waking up while I do night shift, realizing I am not next to him in bed and just starting to cry: Where is my Mami? There have been times, I just took him out of bed and he slept in the cockpit, while I was finishing my shift. He has been complaining about stomach aches lately too.
The reason also for the entire adventure taking place is, so that Dad and Kid can grow closer together while spending more time with each other. But so far the Captain has been busy with things I don’t know how to do, or just don’t see that they have to be done, that it is me keeping the little man company most of the time. The relationships are difficult, I can only imagine how hard it must be for the Captain being the boss, the husband, the father and the friend all at the same time and trying to keep everyone happy. And he is doing great.
I think a little break from the sail, time to reflect, would do all of us good. Or we/me just need to find a better relaxation program… 😉